WHAM!

Don't panic. I'm not going to start talking about 'Wake me up before you go go' (Although now ive mentioned it I am going to look it up on YouTube, what a song!)

You know how I can tell something major is going to happen on any given day? It starts like every other one. Every morning I wake up and think about the day to day routine, cause that's what it is, a routine. Monday to Friday is the worst.

Wake up
Make coffee
Get in car
Go to work
Finish work
Get in car
Go home
Have dinner
Bed

My weekday in nine easy to follow steps, how boring! Well after last Friday you can give me that boring list ANY day of the week!

Friday started off like any other day, right up until the "Go to work" bit. There we were, just passing the aquaduct at the airport, idly chatting, listening to Chris Evans and 'The Candyman' for what must be the millionth time. The traffic in front stopped, we stopped...the car behind didn't.

WHAM!

Now I can only imagine, and certainly hope, that most of you don't know what it's like to get hit by another car travelling at speed. Well let me tell you, the coffee goes EVERYWHERE! Some people say the sound is like a gun going off, well, that's an understatement. It sounded like a cannon was fired a metre and a half behind me!

The force threw us (and the coffee) forward and the recoil tossed us back. There was a moment of silence as the contents of my flask dripped down the windshield before my head started pounding.

A moment or two, or maybe ten minutes later. Im not sure. Either way we found ourselves pulled in in the left hand lane staring at the offending Audi that had hit the Ka, no prizes for guessing who came off worst.

There I was trying to decide whether I was going to be angry or relieved when this tall, blonde, Drop. Dead. Gorgeous, women steps out of the car. I like to think it was because of the adrenaline I was speechless, in honesty though I think it was the green tights and light blue dress. The woman could easily have been going to audition as one of Santa's little helpers (despite being over 6ft tall). Details were exchanged, liability decided, and off we went.

Surprisingly, we laughed our asses off the rest of the ten minute drive in to work. Seriously, hysterical laughter resounded around the car. It's funny what adrenaline does to you.

The day dragged on and the headache came back, along with a really sore neck and shoulder. The car has been/will be written off as the entire base beneath the boot has been warped and a trip to the hospital confirmed that both driver and me sustained whiplash. Why do I ask for excitement? Why did I want to break away from the norm? Give me a bog standard boring working day!

Phew. So anyway, that's the drama out of the way.

It has made me think about things over the weekend. I don't want to sound melodramatic, we are both absolutely fine (except the sore necks, which should pass). But thinking about how things could have been makes me queasy.

Firstly, If I hadn't been wearing a seatbelt I know for a fact my face would have went through the dashboard. And as nice a dashboard as it is, I have no desire to make it's acquaintance on a permanent basis. Seatbelts save lives. You know when your younger and your mother insists she wont drive until you buckle up? Dont be a dick. Buckle up!

Secondly, what if she had damaged the petrol tank? Now most explosions (at least in the movies) happen in frontal collisions, but surely taking a 'dunt' in the petrol tank cant be clever? It's been a while since I was in school but im sure the fire triangle is still the same. Oxygen *sniff* check! Fuel, in a petrol tank? Ignition, metal on metal, chance of sparks? We could have blown up in the middle of the motorway! Thankfully most of the damage was to the rear left side of the car, and the fuel tank is on the rear right, but it could have been very different.

Thirdly, what if my bloody coffee had been hot? I'd have looked a right prat! I can see the headlines now "Man sustains third degree burns in non-burning vehicle!"

Thankfully none of the three happened, but it could have, which is scary. It could also have messed up the whole operation (which for those who dont know, was quite a big deal!). I dont think it has at this stage, but my shoulder is still pretty delicate and thats where the muscle came from. We can only see. all still breathing though so thats a good thing!

I am getting back into the swing of things in the office. Despite the monotony my days are quite productive. I have been doing a lot more writing, working on old projects and scribbling down new.

Ive also started looking into how I can turn Magic The Gathering into a profitable arrangement. Ive set up shop on Ebay, contacted distributors to enquire about prices for wholesale and am seriously considering diving into this as a business.

In other MtG news, Im playing in the Dundee PTQ next weekend (which is a big deal, take my word for it!) so for those who are interested, keep an eye on ManaLeak.com for the article that will follow (hopefully talking about how I won, if not it will be talking about how I 'almost won' and the injustice of life :P)

Peace out,

Dare to Dream,

Wear your bloomin' seatbelt!

SBPhoenix

Finally...

Life has gotten back to some form of normality. Whatever that is.

I'm now into my second week back at the office and I am loathed to admit (and somewhat confused by the fact) that I am actually enjoying being back! There is only so much Jeremy Kyle one man can take and suffice to say in my eight week house bound lock down I have had more than my fair share!

It's funny how he inspiration to write returned right about the same time I ended up going back to work. Maybe its the plain yet elegeant decor that stimulates the creative juices, or perhaps it's the rhythmic clicking of the keyboard and the relaxing ring of the phone that inspires inspiration. Or maybe it's that I really, REALLY want to be somewhere else.

Not that it's a bad job. It's actually a pretty good one. 9-5 Monday to Friday. Every weekend off. Decent salary, hell I have nothing to complain about. It wasn;t that long ago I lost a job and had the cruel sting of unemployment nipping at my heels. I remember the relief I felt at just having any job. In the current climate I should definitely not complain about being employed...

But I'm bored.

The job has become, predictable, despite the fact it's ever changing. Each day, more or less, follows the pattern of the last. It was only after going back post-op that I realised how much of a routine I was in. And I am not a man for routines. I like spontaneuity. One of my favourite quotes is:

"Take chances, live for risks, and follow your heart until it finds release. Your dreams know no boundaries, they only lack belief!"

Yet I must have been stagnating because for the past twelve months I have taken no chances and unless you call my epic flirting fails on the train 'risks' then I really haven't embraced that mantra.

That is all going to change. Has changed.

I am pleased (hell who am I kidding, I'm supercalifrajilistickly elated) to announce that one of my short stories has been published by the wonderful PureSlush.com and is available for purchase here! The Editor Matt Potter is a gem. I have never come across an individual who is so prepared to help writers with their manuscripts and submissions. "First class nice guy, without the wank."

Not only that, but Im featured in there with some of my favourite (and most talented) writing buddies! Gill Hoffs and Joanna Delooze!

So I am pretty over the moon about that! BUT! That's not all!

Many of you will know (and many more will not) that I am an ardent Magic the Gathering player. I love it, always have. Many moons ago when I was in high school (nearly ten years now...) I would travel up to Arena games every weekend and pit my deck of mythical creatures and spells against someone elses, usually I would get beat, pretty badly. But I enjoyed it anyway.

I mentioned in my previous post that I had got back into it, in a big way. I spent alot of my time off catching up on the development and changes that have happened in the game and have been drafting at Glasgow's new shop Spellbound Games for the last six weeks.

So how does this relate to writing? Well, I write about Magic the Gathering obviously.

After talking to different people about the game and strategies etc I came across Manaleak.com, the biggest MtG website in the UK. I made some e-mail enquiries and am now a featured writer on the site!

First article went live on Thursday, you can view it here! Magic the Gathering

The last month has certainly seen a bit of progress on the writing front. Still waiting to hear back about the Empire submission. Had one request for the full manuscript and two rejections so far so that is a pretty fair ratio. Heres hoping I get two more requests to see the full thing and then get it signed off on!

I've also set up a YouTube account where I upload videos of Magic the Gathering Online. Search SBPhoenix channel on YouTube for those interested in learning a bit about the game and for all those others who just miss the sound of my voice :P

Right anyways, consider yourself up to date! Tomorrow I have an article to finish off and some more MtG practice before the pro tour qualifier in Dundee on the 10th...I also need to think of some witty one liners to try on the new girl at work ;)

Dare to Dream folks!

Life is out there, go get it!

SBP

What's happening!

What's happening folks?

...no seriously, what is happening? I need to know. I've been house bound for close to five weeks and am beginning to feel the subtle effects of cabin fever setting in. Bedroom fever would be more appropriate as I have pretty much lived in my bedroom for a month (and not in the good way)

My arm is now back to semi-functionality. By that I mean I can straighten it, comfortably lift a paperback book (though a hardcover is pushing it a bit) and just about type at my normal speed as long as the left hand does most of the work.

I guess I should start with a bit about the wound.

It's fine, well fine so far as I/we can gather. The doctors still don't know if it was necrosis or a blood clot but either way it has stopped leaking pussy blood (sexy I know) which I am most relieved about. In terms of how it looks...pretty good considering how it did before, but still aways to go before it matches the other one.

The scars are healing nicely, the one on my chest was brutal initially - it literally looked like I had been cut in half. But it has calmed down substantially and although it's still noticeable, it'll fully heal to be quite a neat scar. I've not been able to get a look at the one under my arm due to the inability to move the shoulder but i'm told it's healing nicely. So that's good.

I was full of good intentions of getting lots of writing done during my recovery but unfortunately it has just not been possible, physically or emotionally. The inability to type at speed was really annoying and then all the drama and the not knowing whether id need another op knocked me for six. Thankfully as stated I am now almost back up to my normal typing speed so hopefully I can get lots done over the coming week before I return to work.

I have done some writing so it hasn't all been wasted. The screenplay, which I've provisionally called 'John Doe' is coming along nicely. Act I is entirely typed and some of the dialogue is great! For those who are interested in writing for the big screen I strongly advise you to buy 'The Foundations of Screenwriting', phenomenal book. I read it in about three days and went through a pack of post-it's which are now protruding from the pages.

Empire II has taken a back step - the story is all mapped out it just needs to be written but to be honest, right now im much more excited about where the screenplay is going.

In none writery news, there is not much to tell unfortunately (being stuck in a house all day every day does nothing for your social life!)

My mother has decided to get a dog, a Maltese pup which I believe is to be called Bayliegh if it's a girl...and Alfalpha if it's a boy, don't ask, i'm not to sure myself.

My days have been pretty much filled with Buffy the Vampire Slayer saving the world, and constant drafting on MtGO.

There is a new set for the game released this weekend. Shoulder dependent I will be making my way up to the shop to play the sealed tournament (which I am quietly confident about, the online events are going really well - I've not had to pay for any for over a fortnight and Ive played in about fifty :P).

Music wise there is nothing to report, I've discovered it's very hard to keep a rhythm without moving your shoulder so I am just not going to bother until i'm back to being fighting fit!

Nearly there! Each day is a step closer to the dream...

Keep smiling!

SBP

The creative process...

But first an update about the boob.

This week has not been as good as last week was. There is a haematoma in the chest wound which has had to be drained on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. This is either a result of a clot that has cleared, or a symptom of necrosis that would suggest the fatty tissue is dying, which, worst case scenario would mean the DIEP procedure was for nothing.

It may be that the necrosis is only on the fringe of the tissue in which case they can cut it off or if it's minor enough my body will absorb. I should find out tomorrow and hopefully get some definitive answers instead of being in limbo which is where I am at the moment.

But this post isn't about the boob, it's about the creative process.

A writing friend asked me the following today and I went a bit OTT on the response and thought that others may find the information useful so I decided to post it here.

This is what I was asked:

***

Hey Chris, hope your well - was just wondering,

a. how you went about your reworking of your novel? I've been trawling through mine for months now, i suppose there are no shortcuts?

b. how did you go about sending off the finished one, did you send a cover and 3 chapters to basically a list from the internet? or something more simple?

I remember your novel was a kind of sci fi fantasy wasn't it.

cheers, and hope you get it accepted! My pal suggested that i self publish but id rather go down the old school route first, sounds like your the same.

The following is just about as much information as I can give on how I write and submit my manuscripts:

Evening mate, as well as can be expected

Basically I write it three times (which sounds majorly daunting but it's less and less each time. 

The First Draft 

The first time is basically free association - get it on paper. I work from chapter plans and rough notes and just write, regardless of how bad some of it is at the time, I know there is some good stuff amongst it. This is the part that is fun, let your imagination go wild - be spontaneous, give your characters as much personality and as many quirks as you can.

Once I finish the first draft I leave it for a few days then read it start to finish without taking notes (which is hard at first). This is to try and get a feel for it from a readers perspective and is me focusing more on the story than the quality of the writing. After Ive read it I write down the bits of the story that didnt make sense/add up/get resolved.

The Second Draft

The second draft is where I perfect the story, I dont care about the writing just now - everything I wrote down after reading it gets looked at. If something didnt work for me on the first read through it gets re-worded, trimmed or cut entirely - be brutal. Sometimes at this stage of re-drafting I will get a sudden spurt of inspiration and want to take things in a new direction or add things in. This is great, dont knock it - but put it in a seperate document - if its good enough to go in it can go in after Ive finished editing the original thing.

Once the second draft is complete and the story flows as it should I look at the extra bits I wanted to add and really work out whether or not they can be added in. If they can then I put them in, if they cant they stay in a seperate folder.

The Third Draft

The third draft is where I am concentrating on the writing. I basically do a line edit of every chapter, usually over a couple of weeks and ask myself. "Is that the right word to use there?", "Is the grammar correct?", "Can I make that sentence tighter?" etc etc.

The most important thing on my mind is cutting out things I dont need - I have a bad habit of re-iterating a feeling or emotion in a character more times than I have to. Best advice I can give on self editing is to READ ALOUD! It sounds obscure but it lets you hear exactly how it sounds in your head. Running out of breath? The sentence is too long. Paused when you said that? Needs a comma. Words getting you tongue tied? Stop being clever. (This one is also one of my major downfalls - I seem to do alliteration without thinking about it and it's not until I read it aloud that I realise how ridiculous it actually sounds. Reading aloud also points out where we have words that dont belong)

Once that is all done - I usually have a brandy. I again take a couple of days away from the manuscript and read it again start to finish. I try to do this like I would read someone elses book though this time I sit with a notepad next to me and jot down anything that stops me from reading or makes me read a sentence twice. Hopefully at this stage it isn't often, I tend to find some chapters are worse than others.

One final edit and that is the manuscript DONE!

Finding a Publisher/Agent

Now is the REALLY hard bit. It involves lots of waiting and lots of rejection for reasons you will never know (a bit like my Friday nights but that's going off on a tangent).

The first thing I do is go through the writers and artists handbook and put an * next to publishers and agents that accept the genre I want to submit and also make sure that they take unsolicited manuscripts.

Once I have about 10-15 I look at their websites - if it's not professional looking or sounds a bit dodgy I score it off my list. I find out who submissions get sent to and how they like to receive them. Most people like a cover letter, a synopsis and the first three chapters or 50pp. But not all, give them what they want.

With my first novel I let myself go at this stage and wrote cover letters like I was best friends with these strangers. Surprisingly Blackstone actually asked to see the whole manuscript but they did give me a hard time over the cover letter of all things. You will be judged from the get go on your writing so put the same amount of time and effort into writing the cover letter and the synopsis as you did the novel - you cant have one without the other.

The Submission Package 

There are lots of different 'suggestions' flying around on how to go about writing these documents, all I can tell you is how I write mine.

Submission Letter
Before I write even a chapter plan I write the story in 25 words or less. In a fresh notebook at the top of the page:

"Keiras allies must prepare Kerona to battle the invading Empire while she unlocks the secrets of ancient Draconian artefacts and masters the gift of Power." - 25 on the nose.

I include this line or something very similar to it in my submission letters. It's short & sweet and tells them in a nutshell what they are going to be reading about.

I also include a short bit about my writing background, short stories I've published, comps ive won or been shortlisted for etc. Something that puts a bit of you and your personality into the letter - but don't go overboard.

I also do a bit of homework on the publisher/agent and compare my work to someone they have represented in the past if it is applicable - if it's not don't try to make it so, ask yourself why you are submitting to a publisher/agent who has never represented anyone similar to you before.

I try to keep it short (and usually give it to someone other than myself to proof read). My thought process here is that this will be read by someone who reads all day long - they will be looking to get through a pile ASAP - short and to the point is going to go down much better than them reading a life story.

Synopsis
I seriously struggled with these originally. Basically put in the bare bones of the main plot and any sub-plots that are important to the outcome of the story. No cliff hangers. Period.

Imagine you are in a pub and someone asks you about your book, but they are heading for the door. You have 30 maybe forty seconds to tell them the story start to finish. You mention the main characters and what what their goals are and how they get there. That is exactly what a synopsis is.

I usually aim to do this in less than 300 words - most people want a one page synopsis which is roughly about 500 so it gives you space to play with.

I then give the synopsis to two people and ask them what they think of the idea for the story. If they ask questions about sub plots or character development I tell them, and do nothing.

If they ask questions about the main story, I seriously look at the synopsis and ask myself what has to be added to remove that question from the readers mind. It's all about clarity at this point. I have a limited chance to impress this person - the last thing I want is for them to be confused or asking questions that Im not there to answer..

I them proof the synopsis for spelling/grammar/word choice etc and finally hit save.

I have another brandy - and then bundle it up and send it off.

I usually send them out in sets of five - some publisher stipulate that they don't like this. If that is the case, don't do it.

It's important to bear in mind that I have not had a novel published the 'old fashioned way' (I have self published one of my novels but like you I want it done 'legit') and the only info I can give is how I send my submissions and edit my novel.

That being said, from every set of five submissions I've sent off - someone has always requested the full manuscript - just a case of persevering until they say yes.

Hope that helps,

SBP

***

That response - typed ONE HANDED folks! Oh yes! (Took me ages!)

Hopefully it's useful to some of you out there.

Peace out, Dare to Dream

SBPhoenix

(I'll keep you posted about the boob) ;)

The one about the boobs!!!

Hello folks, I feel as if it has been a long time since I've updated - should have really put up my thoughts pre-hospital but que sera.

Needless to say I am now out and so far, everything is going as planned - I HAVE TWO BOOBS! (Granted one of them is really bruised but it's a boob none the less!)

The operation was bigger than I imagined it would be. Eight and a half hours in surgery, two different procedures performed by two of the UK's (if not the worlds) most gifted surgeons. These men are geniuses. As opposed to getting a silicon implant they actually swung a muscle from my back, under my and along my ribs and layered it  with tissue from my abdomen. This means that I will actually be able to 'workout' my right pec,  which is incredible because a fortnight ago i didntt have one!

I was bed bound for five days under explicit insttrctionn not to move my arm - which basically meant i was stationary for 120 hours, easy enough?

Try it.

I have a new found understanding and respect for people who have to live that way. Day three was possibly the most depressing day of my life! But lets not get into that.

I cant move on without singing the praises of the nursing staff on Ward 48 - all of them, every single one! The care and compassion that they show each and every person that passes through that ward is incredible. It genuinely restores my faith in humanity when I think about how incredible they all are.

I have heard it said that "Doctors save lives, nurses save doctors". I dont think that is good emough. Nurses very rarely get given the respect they are due. They study to degree level, they spend the most time with the patient, apply the most amount of care and in my honest opinion, they have the biggest impact on the patients recovery.

I dont name names on my site, luckily I dont have to...

\Thank you all!


Right. Writery stuff now. I managed to hit most of my deadlines (though being bed bound didnt help!) and knocked a few hundred out here and there. Also read two books on screen writing and Assassin is really taking shape - it is quickly becoming my primary project now the manuscript is away!

Anyways,  doing this all one handed (no my other hand is not doing that) so I will leave it at that just now. Hoppefully get some more strenth bback in my other arm and get some writing done next week!

Oh, by  the way! What is the most random response you've ever received/given to the below questtion?

"Where do you see yourself in the future?"

...just curious lol, answers to my FB, Twitter or E-mail

Til next time folks,

"Take chances live for risks and follow your heart til it finds release. And know your dreams knnow no boundaries...they only lack belief!"

-SBP-

So there I was...

...suited and booted, nice shiny cufflinks gleaming in the sunshine and wearing a watch I'd never seen before.

It was a confusing moment staring at that watch, I noticed first that it didn't belong to me, and second that it's face was blank. But that didn't matter, there were punter's screaming at me cause the 14.55 was about to go off.

"Give me a monkey on McGarth's nag!" the man croaked. Flecks of spittle spraying the glass window between us as he brandishes liquorice lace in one hand and a copy of 'How to beat the bookies' in the other.

The liquorice lace throws me, I dont know how to ring that up through the till. People have tried to bet with all sorts before: cigarettes, beer, even had a guy try to barter with a bag full of aluminium cans,  but never liquorice lace. I begin to explain that I do-

"nneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The buzzer squeals in my ear. All bets are off, the horses are out of their stalls.

Only the buzzer doesn't stop, and there's no horses.

I turn and stare at the offending deep fat frier as a few loose fries float about the simmering tallow oil.

"neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

Bugger me if thats not an annoying noise. I push one of the eight buttons, the buzzing stops. I lift the fries from the vat, they smell great when they are fresh. I swing them over to the fry station careful to avoid staining my suit, bugger the Ajax.

"Cheese call till two!" Now I laugh. The guy in kitchen must be near blind because the punter at till two is a dirty old man with no teeth and nicotine stained fingers, definiely not 'Cheese call' material. Only when I turn back around there is no punter, offending smell and liquorice lace gone as well. And there, right where he was stood a moment before, is a bonefied Cheese call. Definitely scoring a 9/10 on the too hot for apple pie hottie scale.

"Are you the manager?" she asks in a very posh southern accent. I look at my cufflinks.  

Probably. I think.

"Because I have a problem with my subscription and I want to make a complaint!" Her words are venemous now. Two tills to my left the new start drops two shakes, thick red slush pooling on the floor. She runs off crying.

'Get a wet floor sign!' I yell. Worried the horses might slip and then there'll be a bloody law suit. Every one of these customers could be a 'mystery shopper' or the gambling commision...or the environmental health *gulp*

"What about my subscription!" The irate woman yells into her phone, her eyes boaring holes through the phoneline.

"Calm down Miss, now what was your post code?" I ask in my politest telephone voice as I speak through the microphone, only slightly freaked out by the sudden echo I hear in the headset I've been wearing all along.

"Post code! Post code! I'm from Canada!" she yells.

Of course she is.

I knew that.

"And I want to upgrade to the movie channels!" I press the button on the till as I say 'No Problem' its next to SuperSize me and MakeItLarge

"And I want the Crispy Chicken Caeser salad!" I panic because I think we've ran out but I smile at her anyway, she's definitely a Cheese call.

"And while your at it ill take even money on Dettori in the 16.45 steeple and for gods sake will you get me a security guard for tonight like I bloody asked!"

I know its all the watches fault...


****

(It starts to make sense from here...honest!)

If you are still reading, congratulations! You are now the second person to survive the dream that I had last night (with me being the first :P)

No word of a lie, I was trapped in every job I have ever worked, all at the same time dealing with just about every irate customer ive ever had to face.

Absolutely mental! I spent hours rooting about in the bookies safe looking for big mac sauce and then went to the McDs stockroom trying to find £10,000 to pay a punter with, didnt find either.

The up side?

I woke up safe in the knowledge that whatever work threw at me today would be tame in comparison, and indeed that seemed to ring true as I came home in a pretty good mood.

Since my last rather 'feelin sorry for itself' update I have actually been pretty productive. Ive polished three short stories, written two pieces of music, one with lyrics one with a 'hum along vocal' which will hopefully become lyrics in the future. Also managed to get a lot of the screenplay from my head to the hard drive and then from the hard drive to the same folder with all the other screenplay related stuff.

The Aeon One submission is finished, thank god! I was learning to loathe that last 300 word stretch!

And to top off the writing related update I proof read a book of someone I have no doubt is 'One to watch'. So good I read all 100k words in a weekend and only sent back 5 pages of thoughts. (Anyone who has suffered my crit before knows thats doing pretty well :P)

Now if you came from facebook, youll want to know about the other thing...the *cringe* thing. I think im just going to stop doing it in the morning.

Most of the time, I am a succesful flirt. That is to say, the girl laughs and I don't get hit (...by her. There have been occasions where the girl laughs and the boyfriend hits me, but thats another story...) but a few mornings ago I found myself in one of those impossible : 'How the hell did I get here situations and how do I get out of it now that I've arrived'

The answer to both? I dont know. But it started like this:

She was attractive so far as train conductors go. Not too much make-up, nice soft tone of speaking, she managed to use the word 'idiosyncrasies' in a sentence...my kind of girl!

My pre-coffee, no nicotine for a month brain starts to highlight talking points. Shes working on a train, you know about trains, your sitting on a train! No, I tell my brain. Eh, she's got black nail polish on, that means shes a goth, talk about Marlyn Manson! Nope. Ok, talk about making out, or sex! Girls like sex! I decide to ignore my brain and stick to the tried and tested method as she approaches, I'll tell her she looks nice, you like her outfit, she has nice hair. Anything to start a conversation and the rest usually falls into place...

She looks at me, slightest hint of a smile on her lips.

"Did you dress yourself?" I say boldly.

 ...I swear to god, you know that way when you say something and everyone goes quiet? Well everyone went quiet and then I said that, and then the silence got suffocating.

It actually took her to do the, hand on the hip 'what did you say' stare before my brain registered the problem.

Quick! my brain yells Recover, recover recover!

"I mean, did you brush your hair?" I say trying to add a boyish grin, which just makes it look like I am trying to be offensive. 'See yah!' my brain says as there is an audible intake of breath on the carriage and all the clever one liners I know jump off at Partick station.

"Ticket?" she spits. It takes me a look in every pocket twice to find it.

"Oops" I say instead of sorry as I hand my ticket it over.

"Dick" she mumbles as she scores it with a pen and storms up the carriage.


So, ontop of the 'quit smoking' rule I have also added 'quit flirting in the morning...with Scotrail staff' (the girl in Starbucks is too cute not to flirt with and im sure the one in Costa gives me extra shots of caramel :P)

Anyways!

Consider yourself upto date!

Dare to dream!

SBP

 

Waiting for my real life to begin...

Colin Hay.

Is anyone else just blown away by how awesome this song is? This is one of those songs, the ones that you hear and think 'I love this song, need to buy (d/l) it when I get in!' Then you get in to discover you have forgotten the name of the song, and all the lyrics are the wrong way round in your google search, and then YouTube distracts you until finally you give up...

Well at least it was for me. Then I wrote the blog title and it was like being struck by lightning! (Well not literally, thankfully I haven't the foggiest idea what it feels like to be struck by lightning so I can only presume whoever came up with the saying - and had the experience from which to draw a  comparison - knew what they were talking about!)

Anyways, the song kind of sums up how I've been feeling recently. I am seriously struggling with the monotony of my day job to the point where on several occasions I have actually came home and went straight to bed (desperate to put the day behind me). This, as it quickly transpired, did not help. The next day was/is no better. And so the vicious circle continued. I was 'waiting on my real life to begin'.  It went on and on and on and on until, suddenly...

Nothing happened...

The realisation sunk in my chest like a bag of soggy spiders. This is real life. It is happening. Right now.

"Is this it?" is what went through my head. "Is this what life is?"

It was about ten years ago (roughly) that people started to ask that annoyingly impossible to answer question:

 "Where do you see yourself in ten years time?"

Has anyone ever gotten that question right? Seriously! What self respecting 15 year old says. "Yes sir, I see myself sitting behind the desk of a repetitive job watching two monitors wondering how the hell I got here!"  That would have been the right answer, but it would have been wrong on so many levels!

It sure as hell wasn't my answer. I wanted to be an archeologist. Then a games designer. Then a captain in the navy. Then a doctor. Then I wanted to be 21.

Thankfully I just about managed the last one (although for some reason girls still tell me I have the mind of a teenager :P) but alas the rest of these career paths eluded me and I am that person sitting watching the e-mail inbox on one screen and relaying its contents to the outbox on the other. *Sigh*

The fact is, I never really put much thought into those career paths. Sure I know what an archeologist is, or at least I know what the word means. But digging up bones/relics etc for a living? Do I want to do that for the rest of my life? No. Games Design? Yeah that sounds great! Does it really? Twelve hours a day stuck in front of a computer screen staring at lines upon lines of text pulling my hair out because JavaScript isn't speaking to C++? Not for me either! Captain in the navy, lets not. And a doctor? Well, let's just say other people's personal problem are theirs, not mine!

So where does that leave me? Well to be honest it leaves me on the same boat as most people my age (which actually cheered me up!) and it kind of gave me a much needed kick up the arse!

Life is happening, this isn't a dry run, I'm not practicing, this is it! And as nice as daydreams about the future are, without action, without drive then that's all they will ever be. It's important to dream, and it's important to plan. I decided I am going to ask myself that question again, but not do it for ten years, or even one year.

"Where do I see myself in one month..."

Honestly, I will probably be in the same job (unless I win the lottery or get struck off, this is almost guaranteed), off sick recovering from my boob job. The important thing is that I will be closer to achieving my dream - the future I am aiming for - than I am now...

And in honesty that is all anyone can really hope for. Life is happening. Keep working hard. Keep striving forward. And step by step, day by labouress day I will be closer to my goals...


Keep on dreaming guys and gals,

Tomorrow is almost here!

SBP