Moving on and moving up...

How to begin an article or blog always tends to be the hardest part, especially when it's been almost a year since my last update.

It's amazing, now that I look back at the last year and try to summarise the events that have led me to the point I am at now - amazing and a little humbling, to think that so much can change in that period of time.

The biggest notable change is that I am no longer an employee with Resource Data Management.

Moving on and Moving Up...
For those who don't know (or understandably can't be bothered trawling through the numerous posts from last year) it was my intention to go in to medicine this year. I had done all the 'prep' work having went back to high school as a mature student to gain qualifications in Chemistry and Biology (an A and a B I might add :P) and also volunteering for St Andrews. I had even gotten an interview for the Access to Medicine course at Stow which I'm sure had I attended would have secured me a place on the course and placed me on a path to  Medicine.

But in the end it was going to cost too much. Waaaaayyyy too much.

Once again I find that my poor decision making as a teenager has hindered my options. Kids, don't do debt - nor squander your SAAS funding on studying for subjects you'll never use or areas you'll never work in.

So with Medicine no longer viable (until I win the lottery) I had to re-consider my career choices. As much as I would love to say that I am now a published author living the life of luxury from my condo in Florida - it's not the case (although if there are any publishers of Sci-Fi out there who would like to offer me a condo and the life of luxury feel free to drop me an e-mail :P).

I had to look at what I was good at (and this took some searching :S). In the end it was mother dearest who suggested I look in to other areas relating to what I was currently doing.

For some reason....this had never occurred to me. I must have searched the job sites for every other feasible job - except from the line of work I was currently in.

For those who don't know RDM have the maintenance contract for a leading supermarket. Basically if something broke in a store anywhere in the UK then it was my job to find someone to fix it and monitor the progress from start to finish. Specifically I was part of a team responsible for escalating jobs when things didn't go to plan (so you can imagine the lovely conversations I had with irate MD's struggling to juggle their resources to meet our clients demands - yeah, great fun!)

That being said - I did enjoy my job. There's something immensely satisfying about taking control of a situation and making decisions that lead to the resolution of a problem. Yes there were times when I wanted to tear my hair out (and I'm sure it's got a few extra shades of grey in it since i started - no book required). But those were the times when I felt I achieved the most.

Having never worked in reactive maintenance before, everything I know about managing time and resources, procedures and processes, escalations and KPI's. Everything I learned about the different trades and contractors, SLA's and ISO's and PPM's and quoted works. From logging jobs on a help desk to escalating to MD's to helping to run an entire region and participating in conference calls to review everything from problem jobs to contractor performance - RDM gave me the opportunity to experience it all.

In my first interview with my new employer amidst a torrent of difficult questions I was asked "How do you feel about your current employer?" I didn't expect the question and answered before I had time to fully process or think about it - I replied with one word.

Grateful.

Had there been more scope for promotion or the opportunity to progress my knowledge further within RDM I would have undoubtedly have stayed where I was - but alas the opportunities weren't there and so I began looking for something else.

I am pleased to say that I have found something that offers me both the opportunity to learn and the chance of career progression. It's in a similar field but not identical and a week and a half in I am very aware that there will be a steep learning curve if I hope to be on par with my colleagues whose knowledge and understanding as well as there management skills are first class.

In essence the job involves receiving a call or a scope of works (effectively a list of what has to be done to repair a problem). I then have to input this data in to the system, sequence the issues so that they happen in a logical order - eg, don't plaster a wall after you've painted it. Assign the works to multiple disciplines (types of engineer), order parts from multiple suppliers. Liaise between all parties and 'run' the job through to completion, all the time managing costs to maximise our margins (and minimise our losses). Once the job has been signed off I am responsible for the final accounts (billing - getting paid!).

If it was one job from start to finish it would be fine, but it's not. There are scores of these jobs being 'run' in any given week and each presents it's own host of challenges to be overcome. Needless to say at the moment there aren't enough hours in the day!


Writing
This unfortunately is the first bit of writing I have done since September last year. I could come up with excuses, not enough time, no luck with publishers etc etc. The reality is that my passion had faltered for a while. Then I came across the following short story - written by me which gave me tingles when I read it. I really like this piece, and it re-kindled a flame and a desire to write:

The Perception of Appearance

-By Chris Boyle-

“Did you know Santa used to be green?” the television blared in the corner. ”Hard to imagine that round bellied, white bearded, jolly faced man we all know and love in anything other than a cosy red jacket…isn’t it? You can see the kid’s faces now. When they step into the mall and there they are: the reindeer, the elves, and the round, bearded stranger clad in shades of emerald green…the red jacket kind of makes the man…doesn’t it?” The announcer continued as the screen flashed between traditional images of Santa and an unfamiliar figure robed in green.            “With us today is Doctor Handin Reeves, he’s here to talk to us about his new book ‘The Perception of Appearance’ which was released earlier this month and has already shot to the top of the bestseller list” the announcer continued as the scene switched to an older man sat cross-legged on an armchair with an extravagant moustache and eyebrows that curled at the corners.                              

           “As a society, I don’t think we can deny that we are visually focused: we see things, and have an opinion.” The doctor began, eyes staring deep into the cameras lens. “That’s why marketing departments spend billions of pounds every year working on their product’s looks. I mean at the end of the day, the look of a product doesn’t change what it actually does.” He fiddled with the buttons on his Ipad and the screen behind him jumped to life

“If Coca-Cola came in a yellow can instead of a red one it would still taste the same. Or if it came in a tub instead of a bottle, it’d still do the same thing, right?” images that would make Coca-Cola’s marketing teams heads spin were scrolling across the screen behind him as he continued to speak. “Yet even though the look doesn’t alter the products abilities in the slightest, it’s the look, which sells the product.” He pressed another button and the screen blacked out.

“The same can be said about many of the things we encounter in our day to day lives. Bright colours are used to attract us, to entice us in. They make us feel excited or happy. Sombre colours make us feel sad or lonely.” His hands gestured wildly as if compensating for the lack of visual aids by trying to paint with his fingertips.

“Did you know more attention is paid to a curved sign, than a square one? It’s more aesthetic to the eye, and because of this we pay more attention. But-and this is the big question-are we so attuned to appearance, so cosmically perceptive that when we look at someone we know nothing about, that we’ve never even met, assume we know them?” His hands relaxed as his face turned thoughtful “Do we label people?” Another dramatic pause as the good doctor stared into the camera with his fingers locked in front of his face. “Appearance is more important in today’s society than it has ever been before, whether you are judgemental of others or not…It seems not to matter, for you are constantly being judged...”

The voice droned on in the background as the girl danced through the piles of mismatched clothing littering her once tidy room. Her eyes lit up as she found the brush she needed and with a quick pirouette found herself face to face with her reflection.

“I am a confident, articulate, intelligent, OWW!” the brush caught in her hair as she practised her speech in the mirror for the hundredth time.  With an irritated gasp she threw it to the ground where it landed amidst the assortment of nail varnish and earrings she had put on and taken off, only to try on again a moment later.

She smiled at the absurdity of the situation as she stared at the mess at her feet, after all of the hoops she had jumped through to get to this stage: The early morning electives she’d taken, the late night lectures she had attended, the relentless reading and re-reading of case studies, and the harsh reality that was exam after exam after exam. And after all that, here she was fussing over her hair…her smile faltered as she let out a resigned sigh.

“…intelligent, funny, full of empathy…” She continued as she knelt down to scoop up the brush, careful not to crush the newly bought black pencil skirt she had protected from creases and stray cat hairs for the last week. She had seen it on the mannequin in the store window and new it was perfect; ‘Smart, professional, ready for business!’ It said everything she needed it to. The blouse and shoes were the same, she knew the outfit looked incredible, and for this interview it had to.

In less than an hour she would be standing before the panel of doctors who decided whether she got to pursue her dream of studying medicine, or whether it had been just that, another fleeting dream. Her stomach churned at the thought of rejection, she had worked so hard for this opportunity. She knew she deserved it.

Fixing her eyes on her mirror self she forced the fear of failure aside. She had passed all the exams, finished all the tests and in that outfit she would look great! Well almost great, once she finally got her hair under control.                                                                                              

  For the first time in her life she had fallen upon beauty magazines and YouTube videos with titles like ‘What does your hair say about you?’ and ‘The upside to wearing your hair down!’ She had studied them like she studied for anatomy, meticulous and precise. She had taken notes, bought all the right materials and was now following the instructions to the letter. Finally negotiating her way through the final tug she reached for clasp after clasp, bending the hair backwards upon itself the way the ‘Barbie girl’ prom queens on the videos had done.

Her fingers danced through the maze of hair with surgical precision and with a few more carefully placed clasps she stepped back to admire the end result. It looked incredible, just the way she had imagined it would. She allowed herself a satisfied smile, the same one she did when she knew she had ‘aced’ a paper then the alarm on her mobile brought her back to the present. She was late. Grabbing the outfit she launched herself into the bathroom and prepared herself for the most important day of her life.

 The city streets teemed with life as she walked through the sea of people on their sidewalks. It was only a twenty minute walk from her apartment on the east side to the universities medical centre where she would do her internship.

She passed the Starbuck’s café where she had filled out the application form which was packed with ‘misunderstood’ writers sat with their tablet computers and hi-tech notebooks, their fingers dancing across the keyboard, frantically clicking away as they worked on the great American novel.

 Pretentious, arrogant and self obsessed. At least that had been her experience. All she had heard while filling out the form had been one writer’s story to another about how important they were and how big their next idea was going to be. Ego versus ego over a venté mocha latte. Pathetic.

                A man in a suit bumped into her shoulder knocking her to the ground and passed her by without so much as a second glance, his mobile phone glued to his ear as he disappeared into the crowd. “Wall street moron” she mouthed silently as she picked herself up and dusted down her skirt.

                Pushing Starbuck’s and the man in the suit to the back of her mind she turned onto 47^th street and couldn’t help but smile at the scene that met her eyes. Where before the people had worn business suits and clutched black leather satchels they now stood like an artist’s pallet, an assortment of colour amongst the drab city streets.

The ‘Prada Princesses’ steered clear of the skinny-jeaned ‘emo’ punks, only the scowls of disdain each felt for the other spanning the ocean between them. She stuck to the middle, looking out of place amongst the designer shops and the fashion frenzied youths, careful to avoid the assaulting glares from either side. Finally after another quick turn the medical centre came into view, its green neon sign welcoming and friendly. She stood for a moment, flicked her hair, checked her watch and with one final tug at her blouse strode through the automatic doors.

The waiting room was immaculate white with the usual posters and notices pinned neatly to the board on the wall. The receptionist gave her that appraising once over she was all too used to, her eyes lingering a moment on her face before flicking down to the paperwork on her desk, her perfectly manicured nails rat-tat-tat-ing on the desk.                                                                    “Med interview?” she asked in a monotone drone that suggested it was the hundredth time she had asked the question. Without lifting her head or waiting on a reply she nodded in the direction of a free seat.

                Stomach churning she sat and watched as the two other hopefuls before her went in tense and came out terrified. The seconds ticked by as she tried to remember the answers she had prepared.

                “I am confident, articulate, intelligent, funny and full of empathy and compa…’ the buzzer on the receptionist’s desk buzzed loudly and she jumped as it rang out through the now empty waiting room.

                “You can go in now…” the receptionist said with the same dry tone. Standing slowly and fighting back a wave of nausea she picked up her purse and composed herself. Finally after a moment’s hesitation she put one foot in front of the other and approached the ominous looking door marked ‘Interviews’.

The interviewers sat there in their pristine business suits meticulously groomed. None of them looked up as she walked awkwardly into the centre of the room; each with their eyes cast down, fervently scribbling notes about the boy who had just left.

                There was only one woman on the panel; she struggled to hold back her look of contempt at the ratio of male to female. Medicine was hard enough already without having to brave the battle of the sexes. One by one they raised their heads, their eyes darting from her chest to her face then back again, the same drawn-out look she had endured her entire life. And in that moment her chance was gone, their minds made up.

                The bulge on her cheek that caused the facial paralysis and the sharp indent on her blouse where her left breast should be were all their eyes could see. The congenital birth condition that had seen her bullied through high school and alienated in the work place, the source of her shyness and cause of low esteem.

“Let me help you sit down…” said the interviewer on the left as he rose and one by one the others lowered their gaze, pencils already scribbling.

“I am confident, articulate, intelligent, funny, full of empathy and compassion towards my fellow man…” the words she had planned to say echoed in her mind “but, none of that matters. Because within a heartbeat of meeting me, my identity is lost…stolen away, forever forgotten by their perception of my appearance.”

The illusion of confidence she had created lay shattered around her, like slender splinters of glass from the mirrors she could not bear to face. The words from the television that morning came to the fore of her thoughts as she turned and hurriedly left the office, ignoring the confused look of the interviewer who had risen to help...  

“…Appearance is more important in today’s society than it has ever been before, whether you are judgemental of others or not seems not to matter…for you are constantly being judged...”

What do you think?


Personal life
Things are going well with Toots and I - we'll have been engaged for a year on the 21st of September of this year and that in itself is something I never imagined happening in my life. I never thought I would find someone that I could love more than I love myself (and I love myself ALOT - ask any mirror ;) )

We got back from our first 'real' holiday together in Blackpool (we went to PiperDam in January but it wasn't a holiday, it was a break lol!). We both thoroughly enjoyed it although there is now a horrific picture of myself plummeting 40 feet to the ground with a look of pure terror on my face (who decided to put a camera at the 20ft mark?!?!?!)

More updates to follow - I promise,

Thanks for reading,

Dare to Dream,

SBP

Wise men say...

...only fools rush in. But I, can't help, falling in love, with youuuuuu!

Ahh, whatever happened to UB40?

When it comes down to it, whatever happened to music in general?

Gone are the days when a piece of music was like poetry - Don McLean's - "American Pie", Billy Joel's 'Lullabye', Extreme - "More Than Words".

I mean COME ON! They just dont make tunes like that anymore.

It's something I've been doing a lot of recently is listening to the lyrics in songs. A lot of the time I think we hear them, but we don't really listen to them.

For this blog post (seeing as it's a special one :D) Im going to do something a little bit different. Im going to write a little about my life so far, and im going to start each section with a song title that really sums up how I felt at that moment...


Colin Hay - "Waiting for my real life to begin..."
Reason - Everything was fresh and new - the whole world was in front of me, I was just waiting on my time to come.

Just out of high school and eager to get started with life. I had big dreams. I was going to be a world renowned computer programmer. I'd be responsible for coming up with "the next big thing." It would make me millions and Id spend my days jet setting from country to country living the high life...seventeen I was, and at the time...working in McDs.

Rod Stewart - "Sailing"
Reason -  I was an explorer, adventuring across the ocean. The thrill of adventure saw me eagerly awaiting my first trip to discover wonders unknown.

Software engineering whiffed. It wasn't for me I had decided. Hours upon end spent staring at a computer screen trying to figure out why my sub-routine didn't like my array indexing. Or trying to figure out what the hell a "Protocol 4" error was.

Instead I was going to join the Merchant Navy and become a very windswept and interesting fellow who travelled the world.

And I did this, to a certain extent. I travelled to a lot of fantastic places, but life at sea is...well it's just that. It's life at sea!

I'd spend 5 weeks in the ocean, working 16 hour days and being on call the other 8 and then when we finally got to the port If I was lucky Id get 8 hours ashore before having to be back on board to carry out one watch or another.

David Alexander - "Working Man"
Reason - The reality of working life hit home and I began to realise that to get anywhere in life, you had to work hard.

The last foriegn port I visited was a port called Ponto De Madeira on the north eastern shores of Brazil. The tidal changes here meant that the winches had to be manned at all times. With a crew of 24 men and 13 two man winches we were short crew as it was. One of the cabin boys went ashore and never came back so we were down to 23 and that meant that every man on board was awake and on deck for the entire 64 hour stay in port.

It was really horrible. When people tell me now that they are tired, or when I begin to think it myself I remember how I felt finishing that shift and the fatigue quickly leaves me.

Frankie Miller - "Caledonia"
Reason - I love Scottish music at the best of times. But this song is guaranteed to give me those patriotic tingles that only music can make.

On the return journey to the UK we went through some horrific, and I mean force 9 horrific weather. The engine lost power in the Bay of Biscay and we were pretty much at the mercy of nature as we were battered about by the wind. I dont think Ive ever felt so humble, or helpless in that moment as I did then. I was and am too young to be a sad "lost at sea" story. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew when I got home I would not be returning to sea life.


Years passed. If I had to pick five songs to sum up those five years it might look like this:

Queen - "Pressure"
Deacon Blue - "Dignity"
Kenny Rodgers - "Gambler"
Van Morrison - "Just like Greta" (Pure poetry! - but don't listen if you're feeling sad :( )
Miley Cyrus - "The Climb"

although Im sure I could add another fifty and it would still not sum up those years.

Then something totally unexpected happened. And it all happened with a trip to the bathroom....

Idina Menzel - "Defying Gravity"
Reason - This song for me is about taking a chance on something. (It's actually about the wicked witch of the west before she was wicked). When the final bridge kicks in and Idina really opens up It makes me think of free-falling, pure excitement, adrenaline.

It had been a long day at work. One of those day when before it had even hit lunchtime I was looking forward to running a jacuzzi and getting my nose in to a good book for a couple of hours.

I had been working on a writing piece for a friends anthology about birth defects and medical conditions and disabilities in general which effected how other people perceived us. "Excuse me mister!" was the working title.

As soon as I got home I started the tap, put down the seat and started to read through the piece I had written again. But I'd lost interest. I had been reading it and re-reading it for days. I needed something different to look at.

Too lazy to leave the bathroom and go sifting through stacks of books I opened the cupboard and found the usual selection of "Hello" magazines and the likes, and there was also a copy of the local paper from the week before.

Not that I am not a fan of "Hello" (I mean who isn't?) but I picked up the Lennox Herald and flicked through the pages.

About half way through I came across an article about a local girl who had won a regional award and had been nominated for the national finals for being an inspirational person. The article mentioned the condition she had and a little bit about herself.

The girl was beautiful, but there was something else there. She just looked so...courageous.

Jacuzzi's ready.

I put the paper down, hopped in to the tub and chilled for a bit. Having run out of reading material I grabbed my phone and googled "Neurofibromatosis".

I was amazed by what I read. This girl, who was standing there so confident and proud had been through all of this. The penny dropped then. "She would be perfect for this anthology".

I asked about amongst friends and family but despite her being local, no one seemed to know her. Having almost given up on the idea (and I am sincerely glad I didnt give up at this point because it was a close thing) I was on Facebook one night and the thought occured to me that maybe I could search for a person using FB.

I sent her a message that night, it took about 10 weeks for a reply to come back my way, but it was the start of something I never really expected.

Disney - "Something There"
Reason - This song really sums up that kind of 'strange' bit in a friendship where neither person can figure the other person out. Both parties silently wondering if they should be holding hands or not. Or whether a kiss should be replacing a hug. Its about that little bit of doubt that creeps up in your mind, clouding the things that on hindsight, your eyes should have seen clearly.

Just after my birthday in January I knew that she was special. Sure Id had relationships before but I knew that this one was different. With Toots there was never a dull moment, always something interesting to talk about or place to go.

Like turned to love at somepoint over the next couple of months. Yes, you read that right...months!

The dating the romance the dancing, the beat your heart skips whenever your phone gets a text message, It was all amazing. I knew I had never felt like this before.

I cant pin point exactly when the transition happened. I remember a night in my flat and Toots started to feel unwell. Her vision was blurring her hands and arms cramped up, I was really scared. I phoned her dad and went with her and her parents to the hospital.

I sat in the waiting room for hours and then when we finally got to get through to see her I had this overwhelming urge to take her hand and just let her know I was there. Seeing her lying on the bed In that instant I would have done anything to cure NF2 and take whatever pain she was in away and make it my own. I would have swapped places with her in a heart beat.


A similar night when we were staying at the wigwams with a big group of her friends. Toots again started to feel unwell and the same symptons were happening. We were miles away from anywhere. We phoned her parents and for the next hour I just hugged her and kept her warm, doing everything I could to make her comfortable.

When someone you love needs you, you'll do everything you can for them, even if all you can do is be there.

Lonestar - "Amazed"
Westlife - "Flying Without Wings"
Reason - For the lyrics that some up an emotion, and for the countless dances around the living room.

Things with toots just went from strength to strength. Camping trips, DVD nights, nights out, nights in. I loved every minute I spent with her.

I realised at somepoint that my goals when I was younger were all wrong. Its not about the money youve got in the bank or the letters after your name. If you dont have anyone in your life to be in love with then its all just...well a bunch of numbers and letters!

On the 21st of September, the time felt right...

Shania Twain - "From This Moment"
Reason - Every single word is true.

Toots and I have been talking about getting engaged for the last couple of months. I had ordered a ring and it was due to arrive in the next couple of months.

Me being me, I had big plans. I was going to do it in December, an elaborate scavenger hunt that would have her touring places we had been on dates, taking part in challenges against her family and friends to win clues pointing her to the prize - me and a ring :D

Toots knew the ring was due, but not exactly when it was going to be there, and she had no idea about the grand proposal ideas I had in store.

All that went out the window on Saturday morning when the postman knocked the door!

I got out of bed and signed for this small un-assuming package and knew exactly what was inside. I think I stood for about ten minutes staring at the envelope thinking to myself, "What do I do?"

I didnt want to leave it downstairs to let nosy fingers open it or much more likely, the dog tear it apart. So with some quick thinking I covertly wrapped a pair of jeans around the envelope and went back up to bed.

"What was that?" Toots asked as I went in. "Whats with the grin?"

"Nothing" said the worlds worst liar.

"Aye right, what took you so long?"

"I was erm, signing for a card."

A skeptical look met that remark, a look that kind of said "Eh, do I really look that stupid?" without actually saying a word.

"Where is it then?"

"I left it downstairs" As I carefully placed the jeans on the floor and climbed back in to bed.

After another couple of comments about the daft grin I was wearing Toots turned to face the wall.

A good five minutes passed before she turned back around, 

"What are you grinning at?!"

"Nothing"

Then her eyes lit up as it all fell in to place.

"That was it, the ring!"

I dont think my face could have told that lie even if my lips had wanted to.

Toots then spent about twenty minutes coaxing me in to showing her the ring and just proposing there and then. I think she actually got a little frustrated when I said no and once again I found her back turned but this time with a pilllow placed between us on the bed, covering our faces.

UB40 - "(I can't help) Falling in love with you"

A good five minutes passed as I thought aboutt verything. Could I really do it now? What was holding me back? Finally I come up with the answer,

Nothing!

I tapped her shoulder and told her I love her, that the last year had been the best of my life and that I always wanted to be with her.

With fingers trembling I reached for the box the ring was in. Nicole had turned around but the pillow was still between us so we couldnt see each other. I opened the box and held it just behind the pillow out of view.

I tapped her shoulder, she kicked my feet.

I tapped again, this time she got my shin.

One more time, this time she went for gold and got me in the nuts.

The box was open, the only thing in the way was the pillow. I moved it and as I did I asked the question.

"Will you marry me?"

Nicoles face beamed in a way I've never seen. Her eyes literally lit up as she saw the open box and she heard the question.

"Yes!" She said and I know my face must have beamed just as bright.

And just like that, on a random Saturday morning lying in bed, my life changed forever :)

Aerosmith - "Amazing"
Reason - Like the song says "It's Amazing, with the blink of an eye you finally see the light, It's Amazing when the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright..."

It's Amazing!!!


Thanks for reading,
Dare to Dream,
SBP 

Where have you been!

Me : "Forgive me blog for I have sinned, It has been 3 months 13 days since my last update...what is the penance for this sin?"

Blog : "A bloody big update!"

The best laid plans 

Isn't it funny how despite our best intentions to do something, or to not do something, it always seems just a little bit harder than we anticipated? For a lot of people this sort of topic springs up around about New Year but in reality we make plans all the time, and I dont know about you guys but as soon as I make a plan the world seems to bend over backwards to make sure it doesnt happen.

...WHAM! Speed bump! And it slows you down or knocks you off course and then you find yourself on this downward spiral and miles and miles away from where you started, or where you thought you'd be.


I originally started this blog as a sort of writing outlet. Somewhere I could set targets and keep tabs on my progress towards certain goals. And at the time, my goals were, in my mind, modest..

Originally I was aiming for 1500 words a week. Remember in school when your English teacher used to say "Write an 800 word essay..." to which the reply was almost always a mass expression of exasperation from the class:

"800 words?! Itll take hours! Doesnt he know Ive got ten other subjects?!"

Well, (to anyone lucky enough to be studying higher English who may be reading) let me tell you, 800 words is easy!!! Hell 1500 words is easy!

The chances are that without much effort this blog post will be in the region of 1500 words and all Im really doing is telling you what has happened recently. It probably wont even take me that long to do, 45 minutes? An hour, tops.

But let me tell you this too. Its bloomin' tough to write 1500 words a week.

The 1500 word target (had I stuck to it) would have seen me sitting at 46500 beautifully crafted, lyrically listed, fandabuloucious words. For those who dont know, that's roughly half a novel.

For whatever reason, I have failed to meet this target, in fact Ive failed to reach 10% of this target.

The plan I had made failed to materialise, it didnt happen.

Am I upset about it?

No.

The reason I've not been writing about things I've been doing, is because I've been too busy doing stuff to write!

What's been happening

So what have I been doing that has taken up so much time? Well, loads!

Way to much to talk about in just one blog update (unless you've got about 6 months of free time to read about it all!)

There have been camping trips and wigwams and nights out and restaurants and cinemas and sailing, yes sailing...in an actual ship with sails! Bowling and mini-golfing, I've done fund-raising and watched some nutters (and I mean that in a nice way, you are nuts Connie ;) ) jump off of cranes with exaggerated elastic bands around their ankles. I finally played laser quest which I always wanted to do as a teenager!

Only this weekend I was on an inflatable gladiator joust getting beat up by my girlfriends dad! (*cough* I let him win. *cough* ;) )

And its funny, because looking back at my blog posts last year they seem so full of energy, so happy! But it's only now that I'm as happy as I am that I realise how much of life I was missing this time last year.

And the change in me is all down to one special person who I discovered so randomly. In the bathroom of all places! She is an exceptional person...

But before I go any further I just remembered a home-made bow and arrow, a flaming marshmallow and a "one in a million" shot resulting in someone being shot in the bum which I just need to have a rant about...

Technology

When did we all get so bloody smart? Eh!

The event in question happened at the WigWams I mentioned above, and dont get me wrong, it was hysterical.

And I knew it would be! In fact I was so confident that I whipped out my shiny new Nokia Lumia all singing all dancing Windows powered phone to record the occasion.

Then I laughed so hard I dropped the phone and the blinkin screen shattered!

Who, in the name of the wee man, decided to make mobile phones so fragile? I mean it spends all day getting knocked about in hand bags or trouser pockets. It's pushed and prodded and flicked and switched and shook and spends most of its day fewer than a few feet away from the rigours that we put ourselves through daily. And yet, the screen is so fragile that an unexpected fart threatens to blow shards of glass asunder!

Why is it that as technology gets smarter, and we rely on it more and more, it becomes so much more fragile?

Eh?

Answer me that Mr Big Wig mobile phone developer!

And its not just me (or the Lumia model). How many Iphones have you seen with a gorgeous big crack right up the middle of the screen, rendering the hand set useless because the new fancy-pants touch screen mode won't respond any more!

It never used to happen! Remember the original mobile phones? They were just a shade bigger than house bricks and weighed about as much as a Ford Ka.

If you dropped them there was no threat to the equipment! God help the paving slab you dropped it on right enough but thats a whole lot cheaper to replace!

And it doesnt just stop there. It may just be me but it seems that technology is getting so smart it's getting stupid.

I work in a business where I am, like most people, totally reliant on access to information. Id have been as well to buy a bloody Dictaphone and record the statement "The system has crashed." the amount of times I've uttered the words!

Honestly, go back twenty years, even ten! When did you ever phone anywhere and have someone tell you that "My filing cabinets have crashed" or "My paper isn't working today."

The worst that could happen would be a pen would run out of ink and at the time that was a disaster. Now we have corporate companies, banks, ISP's and even the MoD totally reliant on computer systems that in my experience seem determined to crash! One day humanity will evolve and we'll re-discover pen and paper.

Cheap, reliable, easily accessible and doesnt break when you hit it with a hammer.

And who the hell keeps moving page "HTTP Error 404 - Page not found"? Could you please put it back after using it because I am getting sick of having to change browsers just for the pleasure of reviewing it's contents!!!!!


......and.....breathe....

I feel better now. So back to it,

Toots

I always considered myself an independent person. I never really opened up to anyone, I certainly didnt rely on anyone and I never really imagined that meeting one person would be able to change my life in a particularly drastic manor.

Well boy let me tell you was I wrong.

For the first time ever I find myself not just thinking about my plans. But about our plans. Things we want to do and how things will effect us in the future.

I am happier now than I have ever been in my life because Toots is in it and even though my plan of 1500 words a week has not been met. My plans for life are so much bigger now and everyday spent with her they get a little bit closer!

The future is looking bright!


Thats all for this update,

I have recently started to write again so will be posting on the blog with a little more regularity!

Make plans, but don't be afraid to see them change,

Love life, be happy!

Hug a stranger!

Dare to Dream

SBP

Back to business!

Howdy all, It's been a while!

I know you were probably all wondering what had happened to me (it's been so long since I updated my blog) so to put your mind at rest I decided to give you a wee update.

First off, as those immortal words so clearly state on the front of 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy' : DON'T PANIC!

I have not been involved in any near death incidents, I've not been battling with a rare genetic disease that has prevented me from writing. I've not even been suffering from the common cold...

I HAVE however been very busy falling head over heels for someone very special.

Love is a pretty funny thing when it comes down to it. I mean as a writer, I can quite effectively describe every other emotion under the sun. From joy to hate, happiness to sadness...I can paint a picture of a character battling with ambivalence so readers of all ages can comprehend their conumdrum...but love is one of those things that I can't quite define. Lets just say that for years, and years, and YEARS - I only thought that I was happy.

Now that I've found this person I actually am happy, and can't quite fathom how I managed before I met her. She is fab! If you don't believe me, you can read about her here.

But, back to business. You'll all be wanting a little bit about what I've been doing over the last few months so here goes!

Medically
On this front there is not much to report other than the gold weight operation (the one where they put a little bit of *bling* in to my left eye lid) did not go well. In fact it went so far south the gold weight ended up coming out. It had started to pierce the eyelid (such was it's desire to be free of it's captivity) and I had to go in for a minor op to have it removed (the weight not the eye).

I have a couple of follow on appointments to get my right pec (boob) sorted but due to the surgically intensive year I had last year that wont happen until 2014 at the earliest.

Musically
I have been some what lazy on this front if I'm being honest. I have set my sights on "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink and Nate Reuss - hopefully get it nailed on the piano over the next couple of weeks.

Writing
Now this is the biggie - yet there is absolutely nothing to report!

This - yes, THIS! Is the first creative writing I have done since the end of January. It's as if motivation just totally dissapeared.

I think this is pretty normal for writers. Not so much 'Writer's block' more 'Writer's cannae really be arsed at the moment' and I've been suffering from it for what seems like forever! Just the sight of one of my many notebooks which are bulging with that nine lettered swear word known as 'POTENTIAL' was enough to make me bawk. And then something fabulous happened.

I got rejected.

Aaaaaah! I can see the confusion on your face now. "Rejected? How can rejection possibly be 'fabulous'?!"

Well it is, and I'll tell you why. To writers there are two types of rejections:

REJECTIONS - Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and DEFINITELY do not think of submitting here again.

And then there are the other type:

Rejections - Good, possibly GREAT. We really liked it. But it's just not right for us at the moment. Do you have anything else? Please do consider us in the future as we would love to read some more of your writing.

See the difference?

Well the latter ended up on my doorstep a few weeks ago and It felt like someone had delivered a winning lottery ticket. I sent a total of 7 submission packages, 4 were promptly rejected and 3 asked for the full manuscript. After not hearing anything back last year I had all but given up on getting a response of any kind.

But with that letter it just made me feel like jumping about the living room shouting "qaaaaaaaaaah! So close!"

And all of a sudden the motivation was back!

So what to do now though? There in lies the question!

After talking to a literary friend whose opinion I value more than anyone elses. I have decided to give 'legitimate' publishing another shot. I feel as if the manuscript is sooooooo close to getting there that this time I will find a suitable agent/publisher.

I am going to focus on this for the next six months. Tightening the material so it is squeaky clean and as finely tuned as possible. And if at the end, I am no further forward than I am now. Then at least I can say "I took a shot" - "I gave it my all"..."Oh well, I'll just self publish and become an e-millionaire ;) "

In other news...
In non writery non musicky news. I am getting my chest waxed to raise money for BANA - my other halfs charity. They have supported her through an awful lot and every day help people suffering with acoustic neuroma's so I am going to take the plunge and get the carpet on my chest trimmed!

Now I'm not asking you for £10, or £5 (though if you want to donate that then it is much appreciated!)

I am asking you for ANYTHING!

Your spare change (yup, YOU, the person reading right now!) can have a serious impact on the quality of life and support that someone receives. It really, REALLY can make a difference!

That pound that's lying in the car, or the fifty pence that has been rattling about your coat pocket for weeks, or even the handful of coppers that have been multiplying in the kitchen drawer...please, donate them here.

And that is it folks!

Consider yourself up to date :D !

Until next time, dare to dream!

SBP

Maybe This'll Be My Year!

Possibly a bit behind the other bloggers but...HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Can you believe it? 2013!

To be quite honest I never thought we'd all see it, what with the Mayan calander coming to an end and the world having meant to implode or blow up or something else that I never really paid much attention to yet totally believed.

Yup. Family were mighty dissapointed this year when I gave them each a card that said:

"Sorry I didnt get you a present...the world was meant to end five days ago."

I decided this year I wasn't going to bother with New Year resolutions, I didn't really bother (*cough* stick *cough*) to them last year, or the year before. But what I did do last and what I did stick to was a plan.

Last years plan was pretty straight forward:

1) Go into hospital
2) Have lots of surgery (Pamela Anderson eat your heart out!)
3) Be pampered by lots of nurses
4) Recover (This was a bit*h!)
5) Finish Empire, start screenplay.

All of this I managed succesfully (I was very good at the 'getting pampered' bit ;))


This year however, I didnt really go into the bells with a hard and fast plan. I kind of had this loose idea of where i wanted the year to take me, but no real 'get up and go' or 'DRIVE' to make it happen.

That. Being. Said.

Its now the 24th of January and there have been some pretty big changes.

First and foremost, I am a whole year older! (Apparently that means I am now wiser and more mature...not bloody likely :P)

Secondly I'm moving out. For those who dont know I left my previous 'abode' rather rapidly after a hell of a lot of drama and ended up back in with mother dearest. This actually worked out quite well with all the surgery (and mums home made stew isnt something to be sniffed at!) So I didnt mind too much. I was also very aware however how much I missed my own space.

Randomly. And when I say random I mean random (as in last Tuesday random). I decided.

"Right, let's see what's out there!"

Friday morning I viewed two flats. Friday afternoon I picked one.

This coming Monday I move in.

Its a nice one bedroom in a quiet residential area in my home town. Down near the Clyde and the Castle. And I CANNOT wait!

I've also met someone who is pretty amazing (she is actually cooler than me :D).

I had kind of shyed away from relationships and the idea of meeting someone after the last debaccle and the drama that went with it and really wasnt looking for anything at all. But I can honestly say I havent been this happy for a looooooonnnng time.

Genuinely "Amazed" that I hadn't met her before I did as not only does she live in the same town as me, and went to the same school, but shes also...a nurse!

You know that way when your phone goes and your heart kind of skips a beat? Yeah. that;s me.

I have caught myself thinking about something she's said or done in work and before I know it this huge smile is splitting my face when Im meant to be on the phone giving contractors a hard time. I feel like I've known her for years.

Maybe this'll be my year?

More writing news to follow!

Watch this space folks, its all happening ;) !

SBP

Christmas is defintely upon us!

So it is officially December and this is the first blog post of the month (and one of the last ones for the year :( ) So what has happened since the last one?

Well let's get into that later. Remember the three points I made in the last blog? Lets get back to them.

First off the bat - work. Ironically, after the really bad Thursday I left work to find a text message from my sister telling me that her place was hiring.

"Excellent!" I thought. "Jump on it!" said my brain.

So there I was a week later strolling down unknown roads in Clydebank (without a map I might add! Dumbarton is bad enough and I've lived here for years!) looking for a building I'd never seen (and as it transpired, doesn't believe in signposts or even signage - totally blank storefront!).

By sheer dumb luck I found the place (dumb luck being a well timed glance at Google maps) and proceeded to sit down for the most casual interview I have ever been through. It was done in front of the other office staff which was new - especially when they started laughing at my answers (yes they were jokes but it was still surreal lol - I had no idea how many people were interviewing me :S)

Despite the casual setting, the interview went pretty well. They advised me to expect a phonecall and I left, turning right, then left again before finally digging out my phone to find out where Singer train station was. My sister phoned later to say the 'big boss' had asked about me and that they were going to phone me at somepoint.

The following Tuesday I was told I would be offered the job, but I had changed my mind.

It just didn't feel right.

For all work can be stressful - and the pay could be better, they have been good to me this year with all of the surgeries. Apart from that, it's kind of like that pair of jeans you all have. You know the ones! The ones that are ragged around the heel and the colour has all but bled out of them, you would never dream of leaving the house with them - but they are sooooo comfy you just cant throw them out!

That's what my job is like.

Comfy :) . So that being said Im there until I publish 'the next big thing' or become a world class cardiothoracic surgeon, whichever comes first lol!

Secondly - NaNoWriMo. Was just a disaster.

I like the story I developed but It really messed up my other projects and 'umpteen' deadlines were missed because of it. I found myself writing scenes for the screenplay only to have characters from NaNo crop up. That being said the story I've started will be published on one of the sites I write for so that is good news :D, it's great news actually!!!!

Thirdly - That dating site thing.

This was kind of surreal. I tried to approach the whole thing with an open mind, I really did! But it was just soooooo hard when every person that contacted me seemed to be campaigning for the mentally insane:

Firstly, I dont know what "Awww man gein it yaldie at the wknd with sum mad dawg and ma chums wae the tunes bangin'! Yolo Biatch! MadWaeIt 2k12 FTW!" means.

Dont get me wrong. I can translate it. I just dont know what Im meant to do with the translated information.

Secondly, "I dont like movies or current music, prefer not to listen to older stuff either. I dont like dogs or cats and hate horses. I despise the cold and cant stand it when the sun is blinding my eyes. I hate travelling to new places and new food makes me feel sick..." you get the picture.

The best thing about the second message, the one with the list of dislikes was right at the end where the person actually wrote "You sound interesting, If you like what you see...get in touch"

 ...so if i like someone who doesnt like anything...?

Account deleted.

So that was what? 10 days?

Then I got a FB message that I didnt expect or plan for.

I had PM'd a girl a few months back that I had read about in the local paper. She had been nominated as a regional finalist for an inspirational person award and the article really did inspire me. She seemed like an incredible person. Now at the time the Glasgow Writer's Group was putting together a collection of short stories based on medical conditions and disabilities and I had submitted a piece.

In my PM I had suggested that this person had such an amazing story to tell that she should consider submitting for the anthology. I didn't get a reply and to be honest didnt think too much about it.

Then out of nowhere at the end of November I got a message from her asking about my condition (which I had described briefly in the original message.) Before I knew it we were chatting about holidays, hobbies, dreams and aspirations and everything in between.

Despite me sending several embarassing autocorrect messages (one where it changed PMA - Positive Mental Attitude, to PMT - well you all know what that is!) things were going well.  I really liked this girl and with my heart hammering in my chest I asked her if she'd like to go out sometime. She said yes.

And we met up for a casual drive around Dumbarton (did you know Dumbarton has a fire station in Dumbarton East? No? Me neither.).

She is every bit as funny, intelligent, inspiring and beautiful as I thought she would be. More so! My jaw was actually sore from laughing with the amount of funny stories she has to tell (one where she managed to put a patients bra on backwards!?!? :P)

And things are still going well on that front :) - better than well, I really like this girl!

And that is you all pretty much up to date with whats happening.

With Christmas round the corner I am taking it easy on the writing front - Im sure "Write more" will appear on my list of new years resolutions but I think I will focus the first few months on polishing finished pieces and actually making sure they are submitted by deadlines (as opposed to spending four months on the Aeon One submission only to realise id missed the due date by three days!!!)

I have a couple of MtG events scheduled in for January. One in Liverpool on the 5th and one in Milton Keynes on the 20th. Probably end up running Pyro or Tron for either of these but also have a Naya deck list im forming in my head.

We shall see.

Expect another update before Christmas (still got my Crimbo shopping to do!) but incase you miss it! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Dare to Dream,

SBP

What would you do?

Hello hello!

Man has this year been a fast one! It's actually November, people are actually saying the C word and I realise that I may actually need to start thinking about it sooner rather than later :S

Not that I'm complaining, it is definitely my favourite time of year. Maybe it's just the hype but doesn't everyone seem a little bit happier in December? Unless of course you're that one parent that hasn't picked up a Buzz Lightyear (or whatever the flavour of the year is), you do not look happy! But in general, people smile more :)

I'll be honest I tend to over do it at Christmas. I spend more money than is sensible on gifts, I play the Crimbo albums on repeat and I definitely make merry with the merriment on Christmas Eve :P . And I love every minute of it! Make memories not money, the first one will make you smile when the other one is gone and spent.

Now before we get to the "What would you do?" in the heading, let's talk about some changes since my last update.

1) I am actively looking for another job (as opposed to half-hearttedly going to work hoping something will land in my lap) The current job is fine, it's just...different since being back at it post-op. It seems like the work load is 100x more and the money hasn't upped with the expectations. And apart from that, I'm just not happy there anymore.

If I'm going to spend the bulk of my life in a job then you can be sure I'm going to make sure it's something I enjoy doing. I get that we all have bills to pay and having a job is pretty much a necessity - but if you're not happy there then I personally guarantee you, you could be doing something else, getting paid the same and be a WHOLE lot happier. It's never too late to make a change.

2) My writing has been side-swiped by NaNoWriMo.

For those who don't know, NaNoWriMo stands for 'National Novel Writing Month' and it runs in November every year. The aim is to write one complete and finished 50k manuscript in the month of November - take it from me. This. Is. Not. Easy.

I wasn't going to bother this year round but woke up after an obscure dream (as oft happens) and couldn't shake the idea I had for a novel.

The screenplay and the other projects are officially on hold until December!

3) I have *cough* joined a dating site...there "I said it!"

Not entirely sure what I'm expecting from it but I met a couple when I was at the PTQ in Dundee (which you can read about on manaleak.com) who were awesome together. I got talking to them and it turned out they met on POF.com and armed with that success story I opted to give it a go.

I like the way the site is setup so you can filter out the people looking for 'casual encounters' and the nutters as I'd like to stay away from the 'naughty pond'. That place seems like it'd be full of bad memories and I really don't need to add to my already impressive collection of *cringe* moments.

I'm in two minds about what I think about the whole 'dating site' concept. Anyone who knows me will testify to the fact that I am A) One heck of a talker + B) A flirt.

That being said I just don't think I'll meet the type of girl I'm looking for in a nightclub or pub. No harm in giving this site a go!

NOW!

On to the serious stuff! "What would you do?"

I know this isn't in the usual "funny/self-humiliating" style of my blog - but something happened on Friday night I can't not talk about.

I was playing MtG in Queen's Park at  the shop as I often do. I step outside for a bit of fresh air and get talking to a girl at the bus stop (she is presumably, waiting on a bus). Blethering away quite the thing about nothing inparticulair and a car screeches to a halt in front of us and out jump four guys shouting in some foreign language at the confused and somewhat terrified looking girl.

Now for all I am a confident individual - and consider myself pretty well prepared for most situations, this one threw me. I stepped in front of the girl (who at this point is talking back a bit sheepishly in this other language) and then both she and one of the guys point at me. Do I run? Stay?

Before the flight or fight response kicked in the guy says to me in perfect English (kids, cover your ears)

"Fuck off! She belongs to the family, she doesn't talk to non-muslims so beat it boy!"

Now apart from the fact this guy was ages with me and I really have an issue with anyone who isn't 60+ calling me boy - does anyone else see a problem with the above statement?

I certainly did.

At this point the girl is being not quite pulled, but certainly encouraged towards the car. I still have no idea what's going on so I kick off and do a bit of shouting myself, attracting the attention of some of the guys  nearby.

The guy that called me 'boy' stops and turns around a little bit calmer noe he's got an audience.

"Look mate it's nothing personal - this is my sister, she's not allowed to speak to non-muslims, just let it go."

Sorry. Not sold on that tune mate.

So I ask the girl if this is her brother and does she want to get in the car with him. At this point she looks a lot less scared and a lot more embarassed than she did originally and I kind of see the family resemblance BUT, and this is the thing that really gets me...

She looks at her brother first before answering the question, and he nods. The girl then tells me that this is her brother and that the other guys are her cousins. It turns out she is waiting on a lift from him and pretty much re-iterates his words.

"It's nothing personal - it's just our culture..."

(kids, cover your ears!)

Bullshit. It's not culture. It's sexism verging on slavery.

Now please don't get the wrong idea. I am not criticising Muslim culture - I judge every single person I meet on their own merits and I will never have a go at someone because of their creed, colour or race. But I cannot accept that a man can have a daughter and treat her like property to be traded. I've served on ships with multi-cultural crews coming from all walks of life and all types of religion, I like being exposed to new cultures and new ideas - it makes me a smarter man, but Friday night...

It just doesn't add up, at least to me. When did we regress to the stone ages?

So back to the question : "What would you do?" - What lengths do you go to for the sake of a stranger?

The girl got in the car with her brother, her cousins walked away and I went back in to finish my game of cards. But the whole thing has been bugging me all weekend.

To whomever finds themselves reading this, these next words are aimed directly at YOU!

You are an individual. Your own person with your own thoughts, feelings and desires. You are not  defined by the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the music you party to or the house you pray in. Don't let anyone pressure you into making choices you don't want to make or do things you don't believe in.

If you want to sing into your hairbrush in front of the mirror, rock on! If you want to dance like no one's watching while your waiting on a train, awesome! I saulte you! And if you want to go against the grain of everything you've been brought up to believe, then you are one of the most incredible people on the earth, and you have my utmost respect. I didn't say being you was going to be easy - but being a 100%, pure gold, star-spangled first rate version of yourself is much better than being a two bit carbon copy of what someone else thinks you should be.

Don't conform to their norm, what is normality anyway?


Being preachy isn't my style, but neither is being a bystander when I see something I don't agree with. I hope I got my point across.

Anyways, my rant is now officially over! Stay tuned for more updates! Hopefully there aren't too many 'dating site' related embarassing bits!

Dare to Dream folks,

Live your life!

Comment below.

-SBP-