Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Waiting for my real life to begin...

Colin Hay.

Is anyone else just blown away by how awesome this song is? This is one of those songs, the ones that you hear and think 'I love this song, need to buy (d/l) it when I get in!' Then you get in to discover you have forgotten the name of the song, and all the lyrics are the wrong way round in your google search, and then YouTube distracts you until finally you give up...

Well at least it was for me. Then I wrote the blog title and it was like being struck by lightning! (Well not literally, thankfully I haven't the foggiest idea what it feels like to be struck by lightning so I can only presume whoever came up with the saying - and had the experience from which to draw a  comparison - knew what they were talking about!)

Anyways, the song kind of sums up how I've been feeling recently. I am seriously struggling with the monotony of my day job to the point where on several occasions I have actually came home and went straight to bed (desperate to put the day behind me). This, as it quickly transpired, did not help. The next day was/is no better. And so the vicious circle continued. I was 'waiting on my real life to begin'.  It went on and on and on and on until, suddenly...

Nothing happened...

The realisation sunk in my chest like a bag of soggy spiders. This is real life. It is happening. Right now.

"Is this it?" is what went through my head. "Is this what life is?"

It was about ten years ago (roughly) that people started to ask that annoyingly impossible to answer question:

 "Where do you see yourself in ten years time?"

Has anyone ever gotten that question right? Seriously! What self respecting 15 year old says. "Yes sir, I see myself sitting behind the desk of a repetitive job watching two monitors wondering how the hell I got here!"  That would have been the right answer, but it would have been wrong on so many levels!

It sure as hell wasn't my answer. I wanted to be an archeologist. Then a games designer. Then a captain in the navy. Then a doctor. Then I wanted to be 21.

Thankfully I just about managed the last one (although for some reason girls still tell me I have the mind of a teenager :P) but alas the rest of these career paths eluded me and I am that person sitting watching the e-mail inbox on one screen and relaying its contents to the outbox on the other. *Sigh*

The fact is, I never really put much thought into those career paths. Sure I know what an archeologist is, or at least I know what the word means. But digging up bones/relics etc for a living? Do I want to do that for the rest of my life? No. Games Design? Yeah that sounds great! Does it really? Twelve hours a day stuck in front of a computer screen staring at lines upon lines of text pulling my hair out because JavaScript isn't speaking to C++? Not for me either! Captain in the navy, lets not. And a doctor? Well, let's just say other people's personal problem are theirs, not mine!

So where does that leave me? Well to be honest it leaves me on the same boat as most people my age (which actually cheered me up!) and it kind of gave me a much needed kick up the arse!

Life is happening, this isn't a dry run, I'm not practicing, this is it! And as nice as daydreams about the future are, without action, without drive then that's all they will ever be. It's important to dream, and it's important to plan. I decided I am going to ask myself that question again, but not do it for ten years, or even one year.

"Where do I see myself in one month..."

Honestly, I will probably be in the same job (unless I win the lottery or get struck off, this is almost guaranteed), off sick recovering from my boob job. The important thing is that I will be closer to achieving my dream - the future I am aiming for - than I am now...

And in honesty that is all anyone can really hope for. Life is happening. Keep working hard. Keep striving forward. And step by step, day by labouress day I will be closer to my goals...

Keep on dreaming guys and gals,

Tomorrow is almost here!


1 comment:

  1. I think we have at least one moment in our life where we are hit by reality. Hard. I hate that feeling, and I've had it far too many times (the curse of being fairly introspective).

    What's worse, is when someone has this reality check, but does f*ck all about it. That really frustrates me. Particularly when they moan about how hard done to they are, how they have all these dreams, but they can't get there. Me, being the good samaritan, will often post links to relevant courses, groups, activities, etc... and then you get the "oh, I don't have the time for any of that".

    Clearly they like the rut they have found themselves in, and I'd be far better off pulling out my hair than push the issue (the last time I did that, I got yelled at for "bullying". Apparently offering advice and encouragement is bullying when they're shying from their own dreams. Go figure.).

    But yes, back to the point, it's good to keep striving to reach those dreams! Life would be pretty darn depressing if we didn't. To me, that's what gives my life purpose in all the monotony of day-to-day life.